Personal Reflection

Unfortunately, despite my love and admiration for books and all the glories they offer, I often don't do them the justice they deserve. I am a fast reader and I often find that in my excitement for a novel I will devour it without truly tasting it. The journal entries, the apologia, and explication all drew me back to the novel consistently for I could remember pieces, snatches of beautiful words and ideas, but not well enough to adequately carry the ideas on to a pages to support the initial feelings I drew from the book. So I would go back. I would read and reread sections which I felt were important. I re-examined sentences and took from them more than I did the first time, for now that I knew what the conclusion was I could take my time getting there. I discovered a sense of humour in Reta I didn't fully grasp the first time, as well as a better understanding of some of the secondary characters like Lois, Reta's mother in-law, whom I really came to enjoy. By taking my time and rereading so often I feel I have become a stronger reader because I now understand the importance of real reflection to a novel's impact on the reader. If it's good the first time when you read it at super speed, it's bound to be even better when savoured. I've learned that because of my speed rereading is almost a necessity to get the full sense of the story at hand.

Such projects as the links list also helped to expand my understanding of the novel itself. We were to look for reviews, interviews, and other aspects that would reflect on the novel. I found that reading reviews, be they on a person's blog or by the CBC, help me to gain new insights for they would inevitably interpret the book differently than I. Also, because of the links I look at lots of interviews with the author, only two of which I posted, and I became very attached to Carol Shields as a person. I felt she wrote and spoke beautifully on complex emotions and (as silly as this is) I felt myself almost moved to tears when I read about her struggles with cancer that eventually led to her death. I have often felt a connection to the material and author puts forth, but very infrequently do I feel a tie to the author. Looking into Shields' life was a new and enjoyable experience, the understanding that she wrote Unless almost at the end of her battle with cancer put the feelings of smothered anger voiced in Reta in a new light. I feel this connection opened me up to Reta's feelings even more and it was through this interesting character that I learned more about the human nature of everyone, but especially women. I recognize in many women around me, for example my mother, the need to be heard and respected, but the fear of appearing too aggressive. My mother will get angry about dirty dishes being left on the counter, become angry, then apologize for her outburst. She doesn't want to appear nagging or angry so she retracts her statements and internalizes the feelings instead. Conduct of a woman who so often places others far above herself.

I can relate to not wanting to be exposed. Reviewing with peers is not a task I relish in; I in fact avoid it whenever possible and have done so successfully for most of my high school career. Then came this very public blog (mainly because I don't do well with technology and I don't know how to adjust privacy settings) and my ideas were out there, exposed to everyone. I wasn't afraid of people borrowing my ideas, I consider our class to creative to do that, I was afraid of not measuring up to everyone else. That my ideas, much like the first paragraph for my Hamlet's Swimmer's Moment essay, would fall flat. I got over it though, marks have to be earned, apologias have to be written. In fact, over time I began to value the system that allowed us to examine other people's work. I struggled with my apologia which may or may not be evident in my many rough pieces and have the tools to click over and see how others approached theirs was a immense help in finally getting mine down. I felt the project overall was an interesting experience. I abide by my dislike of computers but the capabilities to share and be creative with the new medium was refreshing and I enjoyed the exposure to Canadian literature. The diversity of the novel chosen were overwhelming and it feels good to know there is such a range out there. No longer does historical fiction novels on the settlers first spring to mind when thinking Canlit and I look forward to enjoying reading many of the books brought forth by my classmates.